Inspired by things like (Evergrowing Number) Things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG and similar topics throughout the interwebz, this thread is for... well, you get the idea. 'Tis a silly place.

Lying for the sake of funny is perfectly acceptable, though mine are totally true (at least the batch in this post). Anywho, I'll kick this off.


Warforged Tantrist is not a valid character concept, even if I have a perfectly valid explanation for why a Warforged would even have the equipment required to become a Tantrist.

I may not explain why a Warforged would even have the equipment required to become a Tantrist.

No Tantrist may ever have a familiar under any circumstances. Ever. Seriously. Or an animal companion. Or a pet. Or a mount. Especially not a mount.

That includes a Tibbit Tantrist whose familiar is actually her husband Baleful Polymorph'd into a cat, though it does come pretty close to DM approval and doesn't overtax his gag reflex.

If, for the evil campaign, we are basing our characters off of the seven deadly sins, the mule is never again allowed to be lust, even if we only have six sins covered and that's the last one.

Mules are no longer allowed to abuse their size bonus to grapple checks upon meeting the halfling mayor.

Any character concept that the guy playing the cleric of JEEZUS! has to leave the room in the middle of is automatically vetoed (though concepts that merely make his eyes go wide or evoke a groan are secretly encouraged).

Three separate DMs have forbade me from ever playing a Beguiler again in any campaign that's expected to go above the fifth level.

I am no longer allowed to try to pass a zombie unicorn with Gentle Repose cast off as a living unicorn.

I am not allowed to zombify the cleric of JEEZUS!'s horse in his sleep.

I'm not allowed to skelify it, either.

In fact, I'm not allowed to skelify anyone's mount in their sleep, no matter how much it improves hay mileage.

Yeah, Glen's been doing that list for quite some time. In fact, he added to it today. He's a very funny and talented guy.

*So wants a gnomish pygmy war rhino.*

Is it a bad sign when I go through that list and come up with awesome character ideas?

No, not at all. I think it's a very good source of inspiration.

Sweet Jesu! Someone's been watching my gaming group!

I'd be happy if they brought back the giant hamster war mounts that gnomes rode in Spelljammer. That is the sole reason I love that setting over any other TSR put out.

*Once TPK'd a party when they laughed at the dwarf's dear old mother dying of beard cancer.*

I'm no longer allowed to do that, by the way.


No, my necromancer doesn't count as a "pure-hearted maiden" even if a healing spell is all it takes to restore her maidenhood and she's "pure" evil.

Yes, the elven high priest can tell the difference between a live unicorn and one brought back as a zombie then hit with Gentle Repose. (Though the combination is enough to pass my undead posse off as live slaves when walking through peasant villages.)

Yes, the elven villagers can tell the difference between a live high priest and one brought back as a zombie then hit with Gentle Repose.

Yes, the woodland guard can tell the difference between live elven villagers and ones brought back as a zombie horde then left alone because I seriously can't prepare that many castings of Gentle Repose and the Warlock's the only reason we could turn that many villagers into zombies so fast in the first place.

My don't are more banal.
I am not allowed to stand up while rolling,
I am not allowed to roll all over the table either.

As a GM I am not allowed to give exp on how well you give me a foot massage.
As GM I cannot consider a 1 a 20 when all the other players saw it.

I cannot act like I have an imaganary pet named Bob.
I cannot have a real pet named Bob that has a perminent ring of invisability.
Bob cannot be a huge purple worm I trained from birth, or anything on the 15 page list that is still getting longer... Just added three-toes giant sloth with haste.

I cannot use the dice that are smaller then a pencil eraser.
I cannot use the dice in another language other then English.
I cannot use the dice that have no definded markings on them.
I cannot use the dice with naked people on them, unless all are unmarried and over 21.
I cannot show anyone the naked dice... or the faces of death dice... or furry dice unless they meet the above requirement.

If I find a flaw in the GMs plan for the adventure and can end the adventure before we have made it 10 mins in... stop.
If the GM asks nicely that I rethink what I am doing... even if I know I will live... stop what I am doing.
If the GM starts crying... stop. Even if you can blow up the crime boss with one shot to the underside of his car's engine. Its still only 10 mins into the game.

I am never allowed to dissasseble the poison needle traps in the doors ever again.

Jasons character is never allowed to be a Follower of Set. EVER!