The purpose of the game: Stock this shop full of garbage.

Magical garbage.

Put a description of magic items that are really quite completely useless.


Boots of Standing ans Staying (1800gp)
These boots, made of the finest stonework, weigh approximately two tons each, and when activated (3/day) become impossible to move for (levelx2) rounds.

The Cursed +1 Sword. (1500gp)
Does 1d6 +1-1 damage. Can't be dropped.

Decanter of Endless Air (1000gp)
Open decanter to unleash a constant of stream of air. Only works in air.

Note: Invariably, people WILL think of uses for almost anything, if only to be contrary. Just sayin'. The Decanter of Endless Air, for instance, could arguably be used to push away smoke or poisonous gasses. It could also be used as a portable fan in hot environments. And if the cursed sword can be affected by the usual Remove Curse spell, then it's a great back-up weapon for a fighter facing down a master-disarmer.

Pants of Pants [5000 gp]: When you remove these pants, you find yourself wearing another pair; this pair is also a pair of Pants of Pants. The new pants are in the exact same condition as the original at the time of being pulled off.

Alcohol of Sobriety [500 gp/bottle]: Drinking this liquor immediately causes you to become as sober as you would have been if you didn't drink it. In all other respects, however, it is still alcohol of one sort or another.

Belt of Bitter Frustration [1000 gp]: This belt makes men (it only works when worn by a man) irresistable to women; it also renders them completely impotent. Both effects end simultaneously.

Fair enough, though the joke on the decanter is that it is an empty bottle.

Bracers of Binding (2000gp)
These thin metal bracers are attached by a short chain. When worn, cannot be removed, except with a keyword. Comes with fuzzy pink liners.

This is not useless!

Mace of healing. Must be swing and cause damage. The damage caused plus some then slowly heals back.

Invisible Keys (25 GP). These finely wrought bronze keys are only visible when no one is looking for them.

Miser's Chest (100 GP). Will happily accept treasure, but will not open the extradimensional holding space to return items. Occasionally mutters about "my precious".

Infernal Squash (500 G): A squash that comes from the deepest pits of hell. Has no notable effects.

Dream Cap of Arcane Slumber (1000 G): Upon wearing this cap, the dreams of it's wearer come true. Also gives the user hyperactive sleep apnea.

Mullet of Posiedon (100 G): The wearer of this mullet instantly loses 2000 points of respectability, but their Drunkeness, Shotgun, and Drawl skills go up 10 points.

Fake Dragon Poo (5 silver) Looks like the real thing! Guaranteed to attract adventurers. Comes in red, blue, and black.

Nobody mentioned "Werefrog's wandering casserole dish": this dish automatically fills with a casserole when given to someone new. It will not allow anyone to cook anything in it.

It might be filed under Hot Dish Dish.