Okay, so here's the deal. We all have had those arguments where we bicker about which fictional character would defeat who in a fight. These fights almost always involve discussions of one character's abilities/powers vs. another's. But, of course, these characters do no exist in a vacuum - they inhabit fictional worlds with rules regarding how the character's stories work.

So, here's the rules, you take the match-up from the end of the previous post, and start by describing how the structure of a character's stories would determine how a confrontation would be resolved. You then suggest matching one of the characters involved in that match up against another fictional character, and the next poster describes how that would go down.

So, for starters:

Freddy Kreuger vs. Batman

This topic came to mind when I saw that a friend had posted a piece of fan art showing Freddy killing Batman. On the surface, that seems right - Freddy is an unstoppable dream killer, while Batman is mortal, so Batman would be toast...except that Freddy can be stopped, in fact all of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies end with him being stopped by a group of kids with a flash of insight or a little but of supernatural help.

Meanwhile, Batman is a master at odd insights, putting two-and-two together, and he has the meta-textual superpower of being "crazy prepared." While Batman can be defeated, and has been, the rules of Batman stories have him coming out on top far more often than not, often because he is prepared for an unlikely circumstance, or he has the one insight that everyone else is missing.

So, by using the rules of the Batman comics and the NOES films, Batman has to defeat Freddy. He might do it by showing that the fact that "MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!!!!!!!" has given him the potential for a darker mind than Freddy, allowing him to take over the dream world. He might do it by enlisting the help of a magical or dream-based superhero, and then double-teaming Freddy, or he might do it by finding a way to make Freddy manifest physically without hope of returning to the dream world (at least until the next story) and then beating the tar out of him.

But the rules of both fictional worlds require that Batman defeat Freddy.

...

Okay, next match up: two crazy-prepared and insightful do-gooders go at it: Batman vs. The Doctor

No writing talent, but I can see how that plays out.

1. Batman snaps the doctor's neck.
2. The doctor shows up, mentions hows that's rude, and then proceeds to explain Batman's foolishness since the doctor is a time traveling immortal.
3. Batman nods and throws a batarang to stun the good doctor.
4. The doctor wakes up just as Batman closes the door the cryogenic storage tank. "Goodnight, Doctor."

The only way to beat Batman is to convince Batman that he doesn't want to win.
--
TAZ

5. Rory shows up and opens the cryogenic storage tank with the sonic screwdriver that the doctor will give him before he sends him back in time to let him out of the storage tank.


Since they are both heroes that each have the greatest super power of all time ("writer's grace"), their conflict can only end when Batman drives the Doctor away, but prepares for his return.

Or, they team up to defeat a group of Joker led Daleks.

Okay, Zircher or Clintmemo - give us the next match-up.

The Joker vs Bender

Joker: "Wanna play a joke on humanity?"
Bender: "I'm listening."
Joker: "Let's blow up the Earth."
Bender: "I... don't know. All my stuff is here."
The Joker leans in close all buddy-buddy like and waves his hand in the air like he's reading a sign.
Joker: "Bender... gets... the last... laugh."
Bender: "Ok. I'm in. I bet Dr. Farnsworth has some junk in his lab that will do the trick."


Thor versus Wonderwoman

I had written up a detailed description of how it would go, but Zircher wrote wrote a shorter, funnier, and more accurate version.

Okay, Zircher - give us the next match up!

Thor versus Wonderwoman. In nearly every story that has ever existed about Thor, he's portrayed as an ass hat. It won't take much for these two to butt heads.