Too easy. Your consciousness has been transferred to an android body. As a bonus, you have a permanent (eternal) contract: perpetuity, 24/7.

I wish I had a programmable lawn-cutting android.

Done! Unfortunately, 'programmable' means 'hackable', especially in the realm of consumer electronics. Your neighbors' jackass kid cuts detailed genitalia into your front lawn within a fortnight, resulting in a citation for public obscenity and some very nasty letters from your homeowners' association.

I wish I knew how to sing.

Granted: you KNOW how to sing but lack any ability to do it correctly, knowing this leads to deep depression knowing you are a failure.

I wish i was home right now.

You are home! ...but it is currently being overrun by a horde of hyper-regenerative zombies.

I wish I could sleep in tomorrow.

Done! But you'll pull a Rip Van Winkle, and when you wake up, it will be much, MUCH later than "tomorrow."

I wish I could time travel.

Granted! You can time travel at a rate of one second per second, and only into the future. You don't notice any difference.

I wish I had more hours in the day.

Granted! You are on Mars, which has a 26-hour day. All your watches and computer stuff is now getting out of whack with the solar cycle. Also, the rest of the party hasn't arrived yet (they were coming, right?)

I wish I had a better haircut.

You do, but it's down there so no one will see it.


The Werefrog wish for cooler clothes.

Granted! All of your clothes now magically remain 20 degrees cooler than the current local temperature. Expect this Winter to suck.

I wish my wife's computer was back from the repair shop.

It has returned with a huge bill for a variety of replacement parts...and it still doesn't work

I wish I knew what I'm talking about.